Up until a couple of years ago, I ran one of the internet’s largest spiritual social networks called “Angels”. I had thousands of members, many of whom became friends (most of whom I have lost touch with – shame on me) and all of whom shared a common belief; no matter what their spiritual beliefs or what social/cultural background they came from, they all believed in Angels.
With images like this it was easy to evoke emotion and get people to respond to the site content because it is artistry like this that personifies what people feel about their relationship to Angels and so they relate.
What people mostly believed was that there was some kind of Angelic power directly influencing their lives but that it was being inhibited from having a positive influence by all the interference caused by the “Noise” of modern living and evil in the world today. They felt that although Angels existed around us in spiritual form, much like Native American belief, they also believed that Angels were a part of us; they felt that there was a powerful spirit trapped inside their human body which was Angelic by nature.
What initially led me to form the network was a belief in myself which was similar to this, that inside me was a frustrated spirit with a great deal of power, struggling to break free from the prison of my human reality. I believed that I was made from three distinct parts.
1. Human flesh and blood (my reality through which my spirit could gain physical experience)
2. Spirit (my real self that was linked directly to Creation)
3. The soul (a protective shield meant to house the spirit to stop it from escaping the body too early).
I felt conflicted with having to live in a material world which was obviously corrupt and horribly immature in understanding yet feeling the great pull of destiny which was telling me that eventually, one day, I would achieve my full potential or purpose. The only way I could envisage reaching this potential was through the release of my Spirit after my physical death.
This internal conflict made me question my fundamental character and I spent some time dissecting my personality, analysing in detail what might be wrong with me and what might be right so I could keep the good bits, get rid of the bad bits and examine the rest to see if any were related to my destiny or that spiritual part of me I knew existed; my Angel.
I went into therapy with a counsellor to help me focus on this process and studied psychology while also learning counselling skills, studying regressive hypno-therapy, Transactional Analysis and Neuro Linguistic Programming. I identified my base/script behaviour – my safety zone into which I would always retreat when feeling under threat or frustrated and found that through identifying and solving my psychological/emotional needs and demons, my inner conflict was disappearing.
I had always believed that we were under the influence of a Supreme Being or God and I had always held Christian beliefs which now I was loosing faith in due to the fact that I could start my reality more clearly and see that most of what I needed from my faith was actually just answering my frustrations with life. There was nothing spiritual about Christianity as far as I could see the whole belief system was based on emotional manipulation and control (as most major spiritual belief systems are).
But I still felt a powerful link with the universe and still felt that there must be a greater purpose to life than simple biological existence. So I started to look into other spiritual belief systems and studied from the point of view of my natural bloodlines which led me back to Celtic and Norse heritage.
To cut a long story short, although I no longer believed in God from a Christian point of view, I went looking for where God actually existed and wanted to prove to myself whether He did or did not exist at all.
Through this new journey into spirit that I was on I met (online) many other people who had similar dilemmas in their own lives. Some of them were very “New Age” and others were just very warped in their thinking. A lot of what I found was very disturbing and it made me realise that there are some very conflicted, frustrated and damaged people out there who have used the freedom of spiritual identity to serve their own psychological inadequacies.
Cults have formed, spiritual/well being businesses have sprung up all over the world and individuals are preaching to vulnerable people and making a lot of money. Because of how extreme people become when delving into spirituality there is a lot of exploitation involved. I began to look into this exploitation and to confront the cults etc about their tactics of picking on psychologically needy, vulnerable people for profit. This led me to look at other forms of exploitation around the globe and when I conjoined this new found information with my feelings that I was on a spiritually destined journey of my own, I decided to form a group who would represent truth, justice and fair representation for the needy and psychologically vulnerable. I called this group, Angels and from this my social network was born.
Fundamentally I love people and I hate the exploitation of innocence. You would think that this would be a basic characteristic of any human but it is not. People care and they don’t like to see others being hurt but they do not really know how to define the exploitation of innocence and so they do not fully commit to any cause. I found that although I had thousands of members it was difficult to get them to focus on individual topics like Human Traffiking or Strip Mining or Deforestation, their attention span was short lived, mostly they would prefer to sympathetically make a nice comment or donate $5 then move onto the next topic and sweep it all under the carpet.
My network helped people around the world to fight poverty and improve local schools etc with financial donations and physical donations like computers or woolly hats or shoes, which I would get shipped to the people who needed them in Pakistan or Phillipines or wherever they were needed. I had information available that could put people in touch with pro-bono lawyers in their local area and once I arranged for one US citizen to be given an apartment for one year rent free as she had recently been made homeless. But more and more of my time was being taken up running this site and the group I had put together lacked the dedication and skill to help me.
Eventually after two and half years, I closed the site down as I found that people wanted to talk about spirituality and being Angelic but could not actualise it in real terms leaving me an impossible task.
What did come out of this experience was that I realised that I am only human. There is no spiritual part of me and there does not need to be any part of me which is spiritual. I am human and in actual fact, ridding myself of the need to be spiritual makes me appreciate the life I have and the world I live in all the more because it makes me face my own mortality. It was also an awakening to self, teaching me my limitations and showing my true character. It showed me the horizons of my capabilities and being able to see those horizons helped me focus on my life because it gave an end point for where I could go. In other words, seeing my limitations made me focus better on what I had and stopped me reaching for what I would never achieve.
I still believe in Angels. I believe that there is no God but there is Creation. Creation is an energetic force and substance that directly affects all life in the universe. Angels are manifestations of this force and although they exist mainly in energetic form, they are real. We do not need to know this or communicate with them, they simply are, they simply affect our lives because they are there and all we have to do is get on with living.
I would say to anybody who is looking for Angels in their lives or who is looking for God, to first look within themselves. Truly, openly and honestly tear yourself apart from the inside out and rid yourself or identify with you base emotions/demons and baggage. Then, with a fresh mind look at what a wonderful world we live in and feel your link with Creation without the need for it to be spiritual. You will soon find, as I did, that people are people, the world is as the world does, mortality is great and without any psychological or emotional need, there is no God for you hang onto.
My simple rule of life is this:
Always do what suits you best if the decision feels good in your heart.
This is being human but this is also living in the only truly honest way you can which makes you, fundamentally, an Angel.